Ever been in a cycle of negative self-talk? You know that voice in your head, the one that beats you up over your mistakes, worries about the future, and fills you with self-doubt and anxiety? That’s chatter. And it’s bigger than we think!
Ethan Kross, a professor of psychology and management at the University of Michigan, has spent years studying the science of introspection. He says:
“Chatter consists of the cyclical negative thoughts and emotions that turn our singular capacity for introspection into a curse rather than a blessing.”
The Double-Edged Sword of Introspection
Our inner voice is a superpower! It allows us to reflect on our experiences, learn from our mistakes, plan for the future and create stories that help us make sense of our lives. It’s what separates us from other animals!
But when our inner voice becomes negative, when we lose control of it, it can sabotage us! Chatter can:
Make us unable to focus
Create friction in our relationships
Make us more irritable and even aggressive
Lead to serious health issues, stress, anxiety and even physical illness
The Why Behind the Chatter – We're Wired to Talk (To Ourselves!)
It might seem strange, but talking to ourselves is actually a natural human behavior. Our brains are designed for introspection, for self-reflection. It’s a fundamental part of who we are, and it has been for millennia!
Here's how Ethan explains it:
“As naturally as we breathe, we ‘decouple’ from the here and now, our brains transporting us to past events, imagined scenarios, and other internal musings. This tendency is so fundamental it has a name: our ‘default state.’ It is the activity our brain automatically reverts to when not otherwise engaged, and often even when we are otherwise engaged.”
We spend about a third to half of our waking lives in this “default state”. And what are we doing during that time? Talking to ourselves.
But why do we do this? What’s the evolutionary purpose?
Ethan lists a few reasons:
Problem-Solving: Our inner voice helps us analyze past experiences, simulate future events and find solutions.
Self-Control: That voice helps us manage our emotions, resist temptations and stay focused on our goals.
Storytelling: It weaves those random experiences into a coherent story and helps us understand who we are and where we fit in the world.
Chatter’s Toxic Toll: From Performance to Health to Relationships
Okay, we get it, our brains love to chat! But when this inner conversation turns negative, it can seriously mess up our lives.
Here are just a few ways chatter can sabotage us:
Performance: Research shows chatter leads to worse test performance, stage fright for performers and clouded thinking under pressure. Think of Rick Ankiel, the promising baseball pitcher whose career was derailed when his inner critic – “the monster” he called it – took over his pitching mechanics.
"His own immense vulnerability – a young player with everything on the line – was something he could no longer ignore. Still, he was determined to rally. He narrowed his focus in on his weight, on his stance, on his arm. All he had to do was make the machinery of his windup click into place. Then he wound up again. And threw another wild pitch. And another. And another."
Relationships: Venting to friends and family when we’re upset might feel good in the moment, but oversharing those negative thoughts and emotions can actually push people away! It’s called co-rumination – getting stuck in those negative feedback loops where we just keep rehashing our problems, fueling our own distress and exhausting those around us.
Health: Chatter is like pouring fuel on the fire of stress. When our brains are constantly bombarded with negative thoughts, it triggers a cascade of physiological responses that weaken our immune systems, increase inflammation, disrupt sleep and contribute to all kinds of health issues down the line. That’s why chronic stress is such a big deal – and why learning to manage our chatter is so important!
"Countless studies have linked the long-term activation of our stress-response systems with illnesses that span the gamut from cardiovascular disease to sleep disorders to various forms of cancer."
Distance: The Key to Taming the Inner Critic
If ignoring those thoughts doesn’t work and venting just makes things worse, what’s the solution?
It’s distance.
Ethan Kross talks about several ways to create psychological distance, a way of getting outside of ourselves and getting a more objective view of our thoughts and emotions.
Here are seven of the most powerful techniques from the book:
Distanced Self-Talk: Instead of using “I” or “me” when thinking about those negative experiences, try using your own name, or “you”. For example, instead of “Why am I so stressed?” try “Why are you so stressed?”. It sounds silly but shifting from first-person to third-person language can create a sense of detachment and help us see things more clearly.
Imagine Advising a Friend: What would you say to a friend facing the same challenge? We give better advice to others than we do to ourselves, right? So, step into the role of a wise friend and offer yourself that same level of compassion and support.
Look Beyond Your Problems: We get so focused on our own problems we forget the bigger picture. Ask yourself: “How does this compare to other challenges you’ve faced?” “How will you feel about this in a week, a month, a year?”. “How would someone you admire handle this situation?”
Reframe Your Experience as a Challenge: Instead of seeing those tough situations as threats, try to turn them into challenges – opportunities for growth and learning! This shift in perspective changes how our brains and bodies respond to stress and makes us more resilient and resourceful.
Reinterpret Your Body’s Chatter Response: When we feel stressed or anxious our bodies go into fight-or-flight mode – our heart rate increases, our palms get sweaty, we might even start to shake! Instead of focusing on those physical sensations and labeling them as “nervousness”, try to reinterpret them as excitement. This simple switch can actually calm us down! It’s like telling your body “We got this! This is a challenge, not a threat!”
Engage in Mental Time Travel: This is about imagining how we’ll feel about this in the future, not tomorrow, but a month, a year, or five years from now. Helps us put things into perspective and realize most of what we worry about is temporary.
Create Order in Your Environment: When our minds are messy, it helps to create order in our external environment. This can be as simple as cleaning your workspace, organizing your notes, or creating a quiet space to study.
Beyond Distance: Other Chatter-Busting Tools
Ethan also explores a bunch of other cool techniques, like:
Rituals: We often dismiss rituals as silly or superstitious. But they can be super effective for managing anxiety and chatter! Whether it’s a pre-game routine, a religious practice, or even a morning routine, rituals give us a sense of control and predictability.
Placebos: Placebos aren’t just sugar pills, they’re about the power of belief! When we believe something will help us, our brains can actually make it happen (to a certain extent).
Other People: Social connection is a big part of managing chatter, but it’s not just about venting. It’s about getting support in ways that actually help us, not just keep us stuck in those negative feedback loops.
Time to Take Control: Build Your Chatter Toolbox
Here’s the main takeaway: we can learn to manage our inner voice! We’re not doomed to live with a constant stream of negativity.
It’s about building your own chatter toolbox, trying out different strategies and finding what works for you.
It’s a lifelong journey. There’s no quick fix. But when we understand the science behind our inner voice and use those tools well we can have a more positive, productive and happy life.
What are your thoughts on this whole chatter thing? Let's discuss in the comments!
Comments